


gold-tinted sunsets

by saunatonttu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2nd person POV, M/M, terminal illness AU, yeah i went there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 14:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3732859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saunatonttu/pseuds/saunatonttu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima Kei is a fleeting light in your life, very much like a firefly.<br/>You wish he would become a permanent, though.<br/>You wish he would stay permanent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	gold-tinted sunsets

You catch a glimpse of him, and it's like all the clouds over your head disappear from the sun's way.

Or moon's, in this case.

You know he tries to not be gentle; he almost manages to make you think there's no gentleness in him, but that doesn't stop you from looking at him and, more importantly, from liking him.

Tsukishima Kei is a fleeting light in your life, very much like a firefly.

You wish he would become a permanent, though.

You wish he would  _stay_  permanent.

.

.

.

His fingers are long and thin - a little too long to be pretty to others, but you have never really cared what convenient beauty means.

You can't hold them too tightly, even if you desperately want to.

Once you did, and broke Tsukki's forefinger.

You still have nightmares about your touch breaking him completely; Tsukki tells you how stupid it is for you to feel that way ("look, I'm not breaking apart with just this, moron") but you have always taken more burden onto yourself than others think.

Only Kenma and Bokuto really know how bad it sometimes gets, and that's alright with you.

You buy Tsukki flowers to make up for everything.

He scrunches his pale ( _too_  pale) face at you when you set them on the table at the side of his bed.

"You're so sappy," he groans, exasperated with you.

"You love it, Tsukki," you tease him, grinning as usual, and you hesitate briefly before leaning down to press a kiss on his cheek.

He doesn't say anything, but when you pull back, he looks at you in tired sort of wonder, as though questioning why you bother with him.

You promise yourself you will write down all the things you love about him; you promise yourself Tsukki will see that letter.

You promise yourself many things on that day.

.

.

.

It's always been a pain to travel all the way to Miyagi to just be able to hold his hand, but you're not complaining about it as much as you used to, when you and Tsukki were still able to Skype each other.

You're just happy to be able to be there, even though Tsukkii glares at you like you're the last person he wants to see.

"Ditched again?" he asks, and he sounds so genuinely upset over your lack of care in your academics that you can't even laugh it off.

"Sorry," you say instead. "I missed you," you add, and it's enough for Tsukki to calm down and his cheeks to gain some red again.

He reaches out to you - that itself is a rarity, and your heart skips a beat - and you take his hand carefully, gentle as always.

"I missed you too," he tells you, tired brown eyes peering at you from behind his lenses, and it sounds a lot like  _I love you_.

That night you crash Yamaguchi's (Tsukki's precious friend's) place with tears in your eyes you know you won't shed

"I love him," you tell Yamaguchi, who smiles at you and offers his shoulder to cry on wordlessly.

You don't really cry, but you bury your head into the dependable shoulder of Karasuno's volleyball team's (vice) captain.

.

.

.

You can't afford these trips for much longer without taking some money off from your basic needs (food), and Tsukki knows that even if you haven't said anything.

"Stop coming," he tells you, annoyed and huffy, but his fingers tremble in yours.

He doesn't really want you to stop coming.

He's more scared than he lets on.

Same as you.

"I won't," you say, and it's a promise you want to keep because moments with Tsukki are precious and he can always try university later. "I wanna be here with you."

"Tetsu," he says and bites at his lip.

You kiss his forehead and squeeze at his hand.

"I know, Tsukki. I know."

.

.

.

Sometimes you see his brother when you come to visit Tsukki - or his parents, but that's rarer as they are trying to balance their work with their son.

Aiteru looks about as tired as Tsukki does on most days, and you almost feel like you're intruding on them when you step in and Akiteru stands up to leave.

"You have much less time with him than I do," he tells you when you mention it. "Don't worry about it, Kuroo-kun; Kei wants you here."

Your heart clenches, and you only manage half a smile whereas Akiteru at least has a full, honest one on his face.

.

.

.

Tsukki has his bad days.

You are much more reluctant to leave when those days happen, even if you know you have to since you have that psychology test at university the next day.

Partially it's because Tsukki looks at you like he's going to crumble any moment now.

And then it's also because Tsukki tells you he loves you - he's shaking and he's scarred, and he tells you he loves you and he's so scared that he'll disappear without seeing your face at least once more.

Kei - Tsukki, always your Tsukki - never talks about it afterwards, much too proud for that even when he's terribly sick.

"I love you," his words echo in your head when you're on your way back to Tokyo, and you hang your head and you cry.

You're scared.

You're not even twenty, and you're already losing someone you could possibly want to spend the rest of your life with.

.

.

.

Sawamura looks at you with worry, but understanding more than you thought to be possible.

"Tell him I said hi," he says quietly when he pats your back as you pack the few things you need for the weekend trip to Miyagi.

You nod, because you can't bring yourself to say anything else.

You text Kenma before leaving again,  _sorry about ditching you._

Kenma messages him back much sooner than he usually would.  _that's ok. i'm at the arcade with akaashi anyway._

You don't ask about the unlikely friendship as you normally would have. Instead, you pocket your phone and think about what kind of flowers you should buy for Tsukki this time.

.

.

.

He's sleeping when you come in, and for a moment, you're absolutely terrified that the worst has happened.

Then you hear the beeping of the heart monitor, and see the steady fall and rise of his chest.

 _Idiot,_  you sigh at yourself and smile.

"Hope you're sleeping well, love," you whisper hoarsely as he pick his hand up and kiss his lovely fingers.

You think about that one training camp and Tsukki's bandaged fingers, and you smile faintly at the memory.

"Bokuto wants to come see you one of these days," he says. "He's been real insistent, but not forceful. He's a really good guy, but I guess you already know that."

When Kei wakes up, you repeat those words and laugh at the exasperated groan he lets out at the concept of Bokuto's inevitable visit.

.

.

.

He almost always kisses you first when it's time to say goodbye.

This time, too.

.

.

.

Bokuto's visit does Kei plenty good, you note with mild amusement as Kei snickers gleefully at a pouting Bokuto.

Bokuto's presence helps you too, a little bit.

The oppressive air seems a little less so when Bokuto is there to laugh with you and  _for_  you.

.

.

.

What you hoped to be forever ends up being about a year and two months of dating.

Your and Kei's time is up.

.

.

.

You're not there just yet when he passes away; you're not there to hear his last words (" _do your best, Yamaguchi_ ") nor are you there to give Kei one last kiss goodbye.

You're buying flowers from the shop you have frequented for a long time now, smiling unknowingly to yourself as you arrange the bouquet of red tulips in your arms and answering when the shop assistant asks who they are for.

"The love of my life," you say.

**Author's Note:**

> well  
> i don't think i'll ever be happy again after writing this


End file.
